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Opinari - Latin term for Opinion. Opinari.net is just what it seems: a cornucopia of rants, raves and poignant soliloquy.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Three Sons:



For some reason, the tune from that old TV show just won't leave my head.

Labels:

.: posted by Dave 1:57 PM


An Amicable Solution:

From NBC 5 in Dallas:

The European Union today urged Texas Gov. Rick Perry to halt executions and called on him to introduce a moratorium on capital punishment in the United States' busiest death penalty state on Tuesday.

I think a plausibly acceptable alternative would be to revoke the citizenship of these inmates and allow them to expatriate to the EU. There, they will gain all of the social benefits of living as a European, the EU feels better that they've saved a human life, and Texas rids itself of yet another mass murderer.

It's a win-win!

.: posted by Dave 1:54 PM


Insurance Rate Hike Blocked in Texas:

The Texas Department of Insurance has blocked Allstate's plan to raise homeowner insurance rates by 5.9 percent, faulting the proposal as unreasonable and excessive.

Thus begins the Tyler Paper's explanation of the rate increase block.

I'm normally a believer in the free market and I find disfavor in government intervention in markets. Normally. That isn't the case here, primarily because the insurance "market" here isn't really a market. It's more like a cartel. Furthermore, I agree that the rates aren't justified.

I say this because of my own situation. I live outside of Tornado Alley, and 200 miles from the coastal plain. We get moderate storms, and seldom do we see a tornado. Hurricanes become torrential downpours before they reach my home. And, we live on a relative plateau, not prone to flooding.

So why are my rates in excess of $1400/yr when I've done everything Allstate has asked me to do to mitigate high rates? One reason, and only one reason. Because I live in Texas. And just because I live in a state where the cost of doing business is high doesn't justify the rate. If I lived in Galveston, or Corpus Christi, or even Dallas, perhaps I could see the rationale. Living in East Texas, I just don't.

.: posted by Dave 1:01 PM



Sunday, August 19, 2007

The boys' grandfather surprised us with a visit here in Texas. This is the first time he's ever seen Aidan, and the third time for Ethan. It's great to have family around, especially for Ethan, who adores people in general, but moreso his own family. He has warmed nicely to his granddad. Aidan is a bit more shy, and he has cried every time his granddad has tried to hold him. But he's getting better.

Anyway, I love seeing how happy Ethan is around people. He's definitely an extrovert. He needs this sort of interaction. Family is important, especially now that we've lost one of our most beloved. And it's always nice to hear the laughter of little boys.

.: posted by Dave 11:35 AM



Saturday, August 18, 2007

"Rainbow Days"

Our pastor this morning is talking about the concept of "rainbow days", which means that it is easy on such days, it is remarkably easy to feel the presence of God. These days are such that no matter what happens, everything seems easier, and God seems omnipresent in everything.

Indeed, most of the last five years of my life have been those kinds of days. It has been easy to see my wife, kids, family, church, home, etc. and be able to talk to God and to thank Him "without ceasing".

As my blogreaders know, those days went away on August 1, as the birth of my third son became precariously complex, and the illness of my grandmother became terminal. In fact, I've wondered if those days will ever return.

The fact is this - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because whether I am having a "rainbow day" or what the pastor calls an "AWOL day", God is still with me.

I believe I mistakenly took God for granted in my life. I will strive never to do that again. He has gotten me through the maelstrom of worry and grief of these last weeks. No matter what happens, He will continue to do so, as long as I am prayerful, diligent, and sincere in my walk with Him.

Now I see His presence in all things, whether they are good days or bad. I turn to Him in both good times and bad. He wants me to turn to Him for everything. This is my challenge, one that I plan to accept from this point forward.

.: posted by Dave 12:00 PM



Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I finally arrived back in Texas. I'm emotionally spent. I'm going to try to work tomorrow and see how things go. I feel like I could crawl in a hole for a week and forget about everything, but that's not going to happen.

I don't plan to post ad nauseum about the events of the last week. It's probably time to move on.

After glimpsing at our new baby laying in the bedroom, I think that's where Granny would prefer me to concentrate. And that's what I'm going to do, as best I can.

.: posted by Dave 11:53 PM


Finality:


The funeral was Tuesday. Many people came to visit, several that I haven't seen in years. All were appreciated.

Granny was buried next to her father and her mother, my Mamaw. I can visit them in tandem that way.

Before they put her in the ground, I kissed her coffin and said goodbye. "She's only there temporarily," I said to no one in particular.

The picture above is of Granny's rocking chair. I'm so used to seeing her in it, it doesn't seem possible that she isn't there now. I keep waiting for her to come and sit down but she doesn't. And she won't.

I will feel her presence every time I sit in the rocker. Her strength and her love will remain in me forever.

Goodbye, Granny, until we meet again in the presence of our Lord.

Love always,
Davey

.: posted by Dave 11:42 PM



Monday, August 13, 2007

I just heard on the news about Tropical Storm Dean.

Dean was my Granny's middle name. We buried her this afternoon.

The irony is not lost on me.

.: posted by Dave 11:58 PM



Sunday, August 12, 2007

Homecoming for Dylan

This post from Ami, who is caring for our boys while I attend to my grandmother's funeral:

So far it's gone very, very well. He is trying to learn to nurse, and when he gets tired and frustrated, we switch to the bottle for the remainder of the feeding. I'm just happy that he's willing to try. I have no great expectations - we are taking it feeding by feeding. I'm definitely in uncharted waters with this, having never had to teach a baby to nurse after they've already been taking bottles, but I'm determined not to take it too seriously. I'd much rather just have us both do the best we can do, and enjoy every minute that I can instead of stressing over things that can't be helped.

Aidan is supremely indifferent to this new arrival, but Ethan absolutely adores him. He would sit on the couch and pet Dylan on the head for hours at a time if we'd let him. And when Ethan pets him, Dylan opens his eyes and smiles, which he never does when I rub his head. Earlier today Ethan was so filled to the brim with love for Dylan, it sloshed over and made him jump off the couch and give Aidan a hug and declare his love for Aidan himself - the very same Aidan who just that morning was sneaking all his favorite toys.

Dylan is (so far - knock wood) a very quiet baby, content to lay peacefully and take his new surroundings in through wide eyes. He cries when he's hungry, and that's about it. When he wakes at night, he doesn't just eat and go back to sleep like the other two used to - he likes to stay up and look around, and I suppose as long as he's not crying and upset that he's not sleeping, I'm OK with that (for now. Ask me again after a few more nights!).

When he sleeps, he sleeps hard. I'm sure it's heaven to him to be able to sleep as long as you want and not have someone come and poke and prod you awake for tests and such.

I'm happy that he's home. It couldn't possibly go better than it is. We're all adjusting well, and that's all I can ask.


Me: Despite my grieving, I must admit that I am heartened that my family is doing so well. Thank you, Lord, for bringing my son home safely.

.: posted by Dave 5:09 PM


I've arrived in Knoxville and I'm at the funeral home seeing my Granny. She looks so much older. Her sickness must have ravaged her. I don't want to remember her this way, so I'm not looking at her very long.

Mom and I shared some thoughts about her and then we're going to go shopping for the baby. Babies are much needed diversions. I miss my babies, but they'll be there in Texas when I get home. I miss my Granny too. But when I walk out, she won't be doing much else.

I'm leaving now, Granny. Bye for now. I miss you.

.: posted by Dave 1:44 PM



Saturday, August 11, 2007

I'm about to embark on the most difficult 72 hour round trip I've ever faced. Usually, my trips to Knoxville are full of anticipation and joy.

This one is different.

This time, I will be saying goodbye to my grandmother for the final time on this earth.

This time, I won't be seeing her in my rear view mirror.

This time is going to be rough. Lord, please help me through it.

.: posted by Dave 10:06 AM


How my Treo is Helping Me with My Grief:

Several months ago, I laid out $19 and purchased a little PDA app called CallRec. It allows me to transparently record phone calls for later playback.

When reviewing my old calls, I discovered three that were with Granny and me and Ethan was also on two of them. All in all, I have over 30 minutes of conversation with my grandmother. I've been playing them back periodically when I want to hear her voice. She's so happy when she's laughing and talking to Ethan. It's fantastic.

This is the best $19 I ever spent, and I didn't even know it at the time.

.: posted by Dave 12:39 AM


Tomorrow, I will be leaving for Tennessee for Granny's funeral. I'm not looking forward to it, but it is a necessary step for both me, and my family to deal with the grief. Today has been a little easier, but I lost control again when I read the obituary in the newspaper. I think it's finally sinking in that Granny has passed away.

There is some good news on the horizon. Dylan is coming home tomorrow. His jaundice has lowered significantly. He is breathing ambient air. He's out of the heated environment and into a typical sleeping area. We got to feed him tonight, and change him, and hold him. It was great.

Finally, my wife seems relieved. Finally, some normalcy will return to the household. Except that I won't be here when the baby is brought home. I will be closing a chapter of my life. And when I return, I will be opening a new one.

C'est la vie.

.: posted by Dave 12:33 AM



Friday, August 10, 2007

Sources of Comfort:

Psalm 116:15 says " Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints."

Isaiah 57:1 says " The righteous perishes, and no man takes it to heart; Merciful men are taken away,
While no one considers that the righteous is taken away from evil."

I read both of these verses in the Adventist Review by a woman who had lost her son in a car wreck. She speaks of how she dealt with the grief, and how she went to God for comfort, and for answers.

I've been trying to do the same thing - turning to God for guidance. I'm still sorting out this mess, asking why. Why now. Why ever.

I trust that God will give me answers. "Seek and you shall find", He says.

One sentence is particularly poignant. The author says "What God allowed to happen will be for the best in the long run, even if we don't understand." She's right. I don't understand. And I believe what happened is for the best, even if I cannot make sense of it.

But someday I will understand, even if it isn't until my reunion with my Granny in eternity. I just wish I could understand right now.

.: posted by Dave 11:31 AM


Thirty hours have passed since Granny died, and I still don't know how to assimilate it. Most people don't seem to understand how close I was to her. I think most people hear "grandmother" and assume that she was just a supplementary part of my life. She was far from that.

She paid me for my good grades, even though I would have made them anyway. She proudly announced to anyone who would listen about her grandson, and his exploits. She always wanted me to be a preacher, but she was proud of me when my life didn't go in that direction. She always asked about my friends, and how they were doing. She cared more about everyone else than herself.

I recall being told about how she would drive to Atlanta to get me in my infancy, and she would take me back to Knoxville, and my mother would have to drive back to bring me back home. My Granny, it seems, was prone to holding me hostage. She didn't want to let me go. The world would be a far better place if all children were loved like that.

In her final waking hours, she was focused on worrying about my newborn son, not herself. I believe that she held on for three days after the "death rattle" settled in not because she was determined to survive, but because she wanted to be assured that little Dylan was going to be okay. It also wouldn't surprise me if, while she was laying there, holding on for dear life, she asked the Lord to spare the little one and take her instead. That would be something I would expect from her.

So Granny not only adored me, she adored my friends, and my wife, and my babies. And I adore her. And I don't know how long it's going to take for me to be able to deal with this, because right now, it feels like it's never going to stop hurting. I've lost a piece of my life, one that I won't get back until the Second Coming. And right now, it doesn't feel like I can wait that long.

I miss you, Granny.

.: posted by Dave 12:17 AM



Thursday, August 09, 2007


First Feeding, originally uploaded by geauxvols.

.: posted by Dave 3:00 PM



In the Midst of Tragedy..., originally uploaded by geauxvols.

Our son improves. He's off the feeding tube. He's on oxygen, but no longer needs it. They'll be removing it tonight. The only remaining issues are jaundice and teaching him how to eat.

I wish Granny was here to see him. She'd be grinning ear to ear.

.: posted by Dave 1:34 PM




Almost two years ago to the day, my Granny is pictured with my wife and son.



Almost one year to the day, my Granny is pictured with my boys.

I thank God for these memories, but I still can't grasp the fact that she's gone.

This is going to be very, very, very hard for me.

.: posted by Dave 12:08 AM



Wednesday, August 08, 2007

It's funny how you never realize immediately how much a person influences your life. I've spent a lot of time tonight just looking around, absorbing my surroundings, and relating times, events, and things to my grandmother. I have just noticed how many items in my home remind me of her.

A copy of Readers' Digest, which my Granny read often. The wooden rocking chair in which I sit while I type this blogpost. My dog, Buddy, who was never fed as well as he was by Granny. Socks - yes, socks. My Granny's favorite Christmas gift for me. Pictures of my kids, which Granny adored. I'm thankful her room was graced with those pictures during the final weeks of her life. Even my beautiful wife... Granny adored her. She was so proud of me for finding the right woman, finally.

Funny, my Granny only visited Texas one time. Yet, to me, she lives in everything I see. I only wish I could talk to her about what I am thinking.

I really miss her.

.: posted by Dave 11:42 PM


I talked to my Mom at length tonight about the funeral arrangements for Granny. All of this feels like a bad dream. I still feel as though she's just hiding or something, and that when I call home, she'll answer and ask me all kinds of questions about the boys.

But that isn't going to happen.

Mom told me that the last day that Granny was really cognizant, she was telling all of the nurses how worried she was about Dylan. That's just like her. She worried about others before herself. She once was bitten by the family cat, and had to go to the E.R. Ami and I were 100 miles from Knoxville at the time, headed back to Connecticut. We turned around after Mom called, and when we saw Granny, she was fretting in sorrow that she "went and got sick". She was genuinely concerned that she was an inconvenience.

Right now, I would give anything to be inconvenienced.

.: posted by Dave 11:37 PM


Horrible Irony:

We arrived at the hospital tonight to see Dylan, and we were enlightened to see that he was now only on small concentrations of oxygen, and a feeding tube. Tomorrow, both of those should be gone. I think tonight was the moment that I realized that our child was surely on the road to recovery, and he would be with us soon.

It was about this exact time of day though that my biggest fear was realized. At just after 6 pm CT, my grandmother took her last breath, and passed away peacefully. She was 82 years old.

This week has been one of huge ups and downs, a roller coaster that I would not wish for anyone. I feel my attention being drawn to almost every loved one that I have. Sometimes, I wonder if my tank is going to empty. I have to keep praying that God will sustain me so that I can sustain others.

I am buoyed by the fact that my little one will be home soon, and yet I am devastated knowing that my Granny won't be there to field my lunch hour phone calls. How can one be both happy and sad? That is how I feel right now.

Truly, God answers prayer. But sometimes, He doesn't give you the answer that you want. In this case, I got one out of two. Right now, it just doesn't feel like it is enough.

.: posted by Dave 11:28 PM



Day 7 for Dylan, originally uploaded by geauxvols.

Remarkable improvement. Aside from mild jaundice, he's doing great. We might get to bring him home this weekend.

.: posted by Dave 6:00 PM


Today, Ami got to hold Dylan for a long time. I let her do all the holding as I sat back and watched. She's obviously relieved to be holding our baby.

The doctor said that Dylan will likely be off of oxygen tomorrow and will be starting to learn to eat from a bottle. We're concerned that he will be difficult to breastfeed because of this weird feeding pattern, but I will tell you, I'd rather worry about that than about his pulmonary health.

Tomorrow will be one week in the NICU for him. He should be ready to come home by this weekend. We hope for that anyway.

As for my grandmother, still no change. I hope my mother isn't going insane. This has to be hard for her. Say a prayer for her and my grandmother tonight, if you feel so inclined.

.: posted by Dave 12:24 AM



Tuesday, August 07, 2007


Mommy Holds Dylan, originally uploaded by geauxvols.

.: posted by Dave 4:36 PM



Progress., originally uploaded by geauxvols.

From ventilator to oxygen with paci.

.: posted by Dave 4:35 PM



Monday, August 06, 2007

Just talked to my mom... My grandmother is hanging in there, but there's nothing the doctors can do but make her comfortable with morphine and O2.

I seem to be toggling between accepting the inevitable, and remembering how stubborn my grandmother is. They didn't expect her to last this long, and she has.

She's a fighter. Persistent. These are the same qualities that I have, and that my boys have. That is my grandmother's legacy.

She didn't have a great deal of influence in person. God knows she wanted to, but geography stood in the way. But through genetics, she will live on through my children.

Nonetheless, I'm not giving up on her just yet. I can eulogize her through blogging quite a bit, but I just can't bring myself yet to do it, not until she gives up the fight. I just can't. And I don't think she'd want me to either.

.: posted by Dave 9:45 PM


Obligatory political post:

While I'm thinking about it, let me take this time to thank Congress for doing their part to ensure higher gasoline prices for the foreseeable future. This comes at a particularly good time when I am having to drive back and forth to the hospital every day, 200 miles round trip.

So again, thanks guys. You're really earning my vote.

Labels: ,

.: posted by Dave 7:48 PM


Improving:

Dylan was almost ready to be taken off the ventilator today, but his CO2 levels were too high, so the doctor ordered the nurses to keep him on it a bit longer. Tonight, if the blood work shows an improvement, the ventilator will be gone tomorrow. He's still not conscious, but clearly doesn't like the tube down his throat (not that I blame him).

As for my grandmother, I haven't heard yet. I'll try to find out tonight more. It's hard to juggle parental responsibilities and two loved ones in intensive care. But I'm praying that I can do it, and I'm praying that my family has the strength they need to carry on, no matter what happens.

.: posted by Dave 7:02 PM


As you might notice below, I've had to begin moving our photos to Flickr from Splashblog. Apparently, Splashblog is discontinuing service as of Friday. That's a shame, really. I have over 1000 Splashblog photos and I have to find an alternative host for them. Fortunately, Flickr is a robust application, although it seems to be blocked behind Websense (thus, it is blocked at many large corporations).

Anyway, I will hopefully complete the migration soon. One more thing to do, I guess.

.: posted by Dave 6:41 PM



A Picture of Dylan, originally uploaded by geauxvols.

Sucking his thumb.

.: posted by Dave 6:37 PM



Sunday, August 05, 2007

Today, Ami got to change Dylan's diaper, and she took his temperature. These things we've always taken for granted with the other kids. Amazing how this incident puts things into perspective.

And tonight, I realized how this is affecting our other kids. Ethan was very hard pressed to let me go when I put him to bed. One question became 20. He was persistent but finally relented. And Aidan, Mama's boy... he just refused to nap today since Mommy was gone. Apparently, he even chanted her name - "Mah Mah" - sadly in her absence.

Critical sickness affects everyone. I just hadn't grasped exactly how much. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to hug my babies like crazy.

For now though, I'm calling it a day. And before I go to sleep, I pray that my granny somehow finds a way to find the road to recovery. I believe in miracles. I'm holding out for one.

Good night.

.: posted by Dave 9:48 PM


I don't know why I'm posting all of this personal stuff to the Internet for all to see, other than that it seems strangely therapeutic.

Very few of my very few readers know my grandmother, and only slightly more will know my son. But I guess I'm trying to share what I'm dealing with this week and beyond as some way to tell myself that I'm normal, and this is normal, and, although it's hard, it's also how life is sometimes.

I just wish I could blogpost my family out of their respective miseries. If I could do that, I'd never leave the keyboard. The feeling of helplessness - that's what is so frustrating.

.: posted by Dave 1:07 PM


Sadness on the Other Front:

Mom called this morning to tell me that my grandmother will likely not make it through the night. She mentioned something about a "death rattle" and that Granny's fever had escalated. She's medicated and not feeling any pain.

The doctor says that she can hear her surroundings. That makes it even more difficult for me, as I wish I were there to tell her that I want her to recover and that we're not ready for her to go. I just wish she had one chance to see her third great-grandchild, to hold him. The smile she had when she first held Ethan was amazing. I miss that already.

I'm hoping for a miracle, and she's a stubborn old "womern", as she would say. But it doesn't look like one is forthcoming.

.: posted by Dave 1:03 PM


We're at the hospital seeing our little one. Ami is going to pump, and then we're going back in. She seems very glad to see the baby, as am I each time I come.

We haven't seen the doctor yet, nor have we seen his actual nurse. We spoke to his original nurse, Maria, who said that he had been given lower pressures since I was here last. That's a sign of some progress, I suppose.

They've also upped his formula intake, and we dropped off some breast milk for him to eat. His O2 is the same as yesterday. I haven't been able to confirm any changes in levels through the night. He doesn't look very comfortable, but maybe that's because we as parents don't feel comfortable ourselves.

I will report more once the doctor visits with us. Ami has lots of questions, so that should satisfy her curiosity.

.: posted by Dave 12:58 PM


Day 3:

The pastor and his family accompanied me to Dallas last night to see Dylan. We did receive some positive news when we found out that his pneumothorax had disappeared. That's one less worry. His sats are the same, and they've maintained current O2 and pressure levels. He also has been taken off of antibiotics and is being fed formula. He still has a long way to go.

Today Ami is going to go see him too. She and I are stopped in Terrell right now. She's chomping at the bit to see her baby. I will be sure to report later tonight how things went.

And finally, a tremendous thanks to my church, and our pastor, and his family. My family has needed the prayer and support tremendously, and we are forever indebted to you all.

.: posted by Dave 11:19 AM



Saturday, August 04, 2007

I haven't felt much like doing anything today. Even church wasn't appealing to me, so I stayed home. (Sorry, God.) I'm just very tired emotionally.

My grandmother has been moved to the pulmonary unit from the ICU, but her condition hasn't changed much. The doctor still calls it "grave". Somehow, I'd like to avoid that word in conversation.

I'm going to be heading to Dallas today with our pastor. I will probably drive to the church and make sure when and from where we're leaving. He and his wife are going. Ami was going to go, but she's exhausted, and she's in pain. I hope she feels better soon.

Anyway, that's all for now. I will post more to the blog when I have more to post. Thanks for stopping by.

.: posted by Dave 11:32 AM



Friday, August 03, 2007

Being Young and Being Old Sucks:

The other prevailing thought I'm having today is how the youngest and the oldest members of my family are struggling. Life is rough for the newborn and the elderly. Many people can criticize the American health care system, but it's still the best in the world. I thank God my family is here and not somewhere else.

What lacks here in America specifically is geriatric care for those who do not have a fortune to spend on it. That is where we are failing. Seniors should be able to have more dignity than is afforded them. How many thought they'd end up neglected in a convalescent center somewhere? Or that they'd be demented in a corner wasting away?

Who is to blame? The caregivers? Insurers? Patients themselves? Government? Yes, perhaps, to all of the above. More accurately though, who cares who is to blame? All need to work harder to make sure the elderly get better care at the end of their lives.

I don't have the answers. All I know is that my son has received the best care available, and my grandmother, until she was critical, did not. And that needs to change.

.: posted by Dave 5:52 PM


Day 2 in the NICU:

My first thought - Dylan really is a beautiful baby. I wish I could just swoop him up and take him home right now.

His sats were a bit lower today so they upped the O2. His weight has dropped to 6 lb 9 oz, which is good since he needs to get a lot of fluid out of his body and that is a good indicator that he is doing so.

Most encouraging to me is that his respiration is down in the 50s. That's closer to where it should be. Right now, he's sleeping peacefully. I'm sure Ami is anxious to see him. He looks so much better than he did when he was born.

.: posted by Dave 5:50 PM


We've finally arrived home. Ami is very sore but recovering nicely. We're about to call Dallas to find out about Dylan. We're either going back to visit today or tomorrow. More to come later.

.: posted by Dave 12:10 PM



Thursday, August 02, 2007

Raining, Pouring, etc.

Sometimes life has a way of feeling pretty overwhelming. This is one of those times, with the condition of my newborn son being the primary reason. But, today, that feeling got a little worse.

My grandma, whom we all call Granny, is 82 years old. She has been recovering from a leg injury in a nursing home. However, the recovery hasn't been stellar. She still cannot walk on it, and the pain has been torturous. Her pain medication has nauseated her to the point that no food will stay down. Furthermore, she isn't drinking much. Her kidneys and bladder are already in bad shape.

Recently, she hasn't been very lucid. She's in need of more care than she's apparently getting. Today she was barely cognizant. Hours ago, my mom called to tell me that she's being taken to the hospital, likely into the ICU, and if it's the same condition as last time this happened almost 2 years ago, it will be because of sepsis and kidney failure.

I have no details except for the similarities between the incidents. I know she's elderly, and society often treats the elderly as an afterthought, but this lady is no afterthought to me. She, along with my mom and great-grandma, raised me. She is one of the triumverate of parents that I had.

I've spoken in my prayers that I'm not ready for her to go anywhere yet. I don't think she's ready either. And I have a third great-grandson that she needs to see before she calls it a day. I fully intend for that to happen.

So, among everything else, if those of you who happen to be reading are prayerful people, keep her in your prayers along with my baby boy. And may I be successful in this test of faith.

.: posted by Dave 9:13 PM


One final observation: I believe that God is telling me to appreciate my wife and kids more. Sometimes I spend way too much time and energy being corrective and not enough for enjoyment. This experience with Dylan is showing me that I need to do otherwise.

And one other thing. Never, ever take your spouse or kids for granted. Ever.

.: posted by Dave 4:03 PM


Well, I'm leaving after watching him for 3 hours. His respiration is in the 80s, and his sats are 95-98. they have dropped his O2 to 28 and will be dropping it further after more observation.

Tomorrow I will be back to check on him. I anticipate further progress.

.: posted by Dave 4:00 PM


Code pink... Code pink... What could that be? Well, it ended up being a false alarm, but the nurse explained to me that when they announce a code pink, that means someone has ventured outside the allowed zone with a baby. So that forces a lockdown. In this case though, someone accidentally wandered outside the permissible area. No harm done.

Meanwhile, Dylan sleeps and remains peaceful.

.: posted by Dave 3:59 PM


Funny that Dylan has those same reflexive actions that the other two boys had. In his sleep, he just suddenly flinches outward, then relaxes.

Ah, to reminisce. And to see him being normal. This is very comforting.

.: posted by Dave 3:56 PM


At 2 pm, Dylan shows signs of waking up. They are going to administer morphine to make sure that he doesn't have any pain. Until he shows that he can breathe normally, they will continue to take mitigation steps for the pain.

.: posted by Dave 3:54 PM


Young nurses that sound like teenagers don't inspire confidence in me. Fortunately, Dylan's nurse isn't one of those. She's seasoned, and very detailed. And despite her heavy Hispanic accent, she was very easy to understand. I'm glad God has given my wife and son such competent caregivers.

.: posted by Dave 3:53 PM


I finished talked to the nurses who transported him and they said he was doing pushups all the way to the NICU. There's no doubt this is my progeny. He will fit right in with the other two.

.: posted by Dave 3:50 PM


As I finally found a parking place (Methodist has a modest parking issue, in that the spaces are small and occupied), I realized that I'd be seeing my son again and I was very excited. I approached the NICU and asked the attendant if I could see my son. She asked me to sign in, and showed me where my locker was (for my belongings) and where to scrub in.

When I went in and saw him, I nearly cried, not from sadness but from joy. He has been intubated, and he's being given morphine for the pain, but there is an obvious improvement. There is no shade of blue in him. His sats are in the high 90s. His respiration is in the 80s. All of his vitals are great.

The doctor spoke to me and explained that the CPAP wasn't working as hoped, so they went with the tube, and the results were great. He also reiterated the earlier information, and said there was no reason not to expect a full recovery. The echo was normal. His heart is slightly large, but not abnormally so. I also found that Dylan responded to my voice, which made me smile. However, until he can breathe sans oxygenation, I'd rather he sleep. All in all, I think he's progressing nicely.

.: posted by Dave 3:48 PM


If you've never been to Dallas proper, you're not missing much, especially inside the city limits. It took me an hour to get there, and 45 minutes to get from the boundary to the hospital, which was less than 15 miles apart. Apparently, the 5 lane highway was narrowed to 2. Of course, Dallas PD didn't notice as they drove in the shoulder with "reckless" abandon. Anyway, remind me to find an alternate route that bypasses I-30.

.: posted by Dave 3:38 PM


Speeding in Forney:

Forney is a little town near Mesquite. Apparently, they have their own police department. I know this because I was pulled over by one of them. The officer couldn't have been older than 25. As he approached my truck, I already had my license, insurance, and registration in hand, along with my (legitimate) excuse.

He pointed out to me that my insurance card had expired, and I pleaded while I searched the truck. He took my documents to his cruiser while I waited. When he returned, he gave them back and said "Please be safe and I hope your son pulls through."

Score one for the town of Forney.

.: posted by Dave 3:35 PM


Well, I'm on my way back home for the evening after spending the morning with Dylan. I wasn't able to post to the blog from the NICU since they required me to disable my Treo. So, the following is an aggregate of all the posts that would have been posted earlier.

.: posted by Dave 3:29 PM


Dylan update this morning:

The Doctor called us from the NICU in Dallas and gave us quite a bit of new information.

Dylan's blood tests show no infections, and he'll be having an ECG this late this afternoon.

He does have a tiny pneumothorax - so tiny that the Dr sees no need for intervention at this time. If it does get worse, he will have a tube put in his side to redirect the air out of his body instead of having it go into his body cavity.

He also has something called Infant Respiratory Distress Syndrome (previously known as Hyaline Membrane Disease), which is unusual in a baby who has been carried to term (Dylan was term +4 days). Dylan is currently on 35% oxygen, and has gone up on his CPAP level from a 5 at the time of transport to an 8 last night after some dusky episodes. At the moment, with his supplemental oxygen needs at 35%, there is no need for any sort of intervention - they will take the "watch and wait" approach, but if that level were to reach into the high 40s or into the 50s they would step up intervention. Sometimes with IRDS, the CPAP treatments are not enough, and at that point, intervention would require intubation and possibly artificial surfactant. Since he is a "big" baby, having been born at term, he has a harder time breathing, with these issues, than a smaller baby would, although the Dr did tell us that 1/2 of babies are able to recover on CPAP alone without any additional measures having to be taken.

He did warn us that Dylan will get worse before he gets better, and predicted his problems will peak at about 1.5 - 3 days postpartum. The average NICU stay for a baby in Dylan's condition is 7-10 days, half of which is spent trying to get better, and the other half of which is spent learning to eat.

So, I'm heading out shortly to Dallas to be with him, while Ami recovers. We're trying to decide whether to stay in Dallas thereafter or commute there daily. I guess we will play it by ear. I will post more soon (hopefully some pictures from the NICU).

(Thanks to Ami for dictating this phone call to the blog - hang in there, sweetie!)

.: posted by Dave 8:17 AM




Daddy and Dylan, minutes after birth.

.: posted by Dave 8:14 AM



Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I just realized how hungry I am. As much as I don't want to, I'm headed home for a bite, then to put the boys to bed. Tomorrow, I'm headed to Dallas to check on the little one. More to come soon....

.: posted by Dave 4:23 PM


12 hours into this day and already three people have prayed with us, including our pediatrician. For this, we are very thankful. I believe firmly in intercessory prayer, and this case certainly warrants that.

.: posted by Dave 4:20 PM


Well, Dylan should be arriving in Dallas about now. When we saw him off, he looked like he was encapsulated in a scuba device. He was on a feeding tube and had a CPAP machine for his breathing. Irony, that. Since Daddy, too, uses a CPAP. The difference is that I don't need mine during my state of consciousness.

Respiratory issues can be scary, and this one is no different. It is wrought with uncertainty. We'll know more in the coming days.

I've decided to rest here tonight and drive to Dallas tomorrow. Then I will stay until he gets better, or drive back, depending on the circumstances.

I didn't think my wife, my son, and I would be sleeping in different venues on Dylan's birthday. But here we are, doing just that. Lord, may Dylan rest well tonight. May we all.

.: posted by Dave 4:18 PM


Incidentally, Ethan, upon hearing that I would be staying in Dallas, exclaimed "Dallas is too far away, Daddy!" We assured him that it wasn't, and that Daddy would return once Dylan was better. Count Ethan as one more family member that hopes that this visit to the NICU is only for a short period of time.

.: posted by Dave 12:20 PM


Well, the boys and grandma made the trek here to see the baby. Ethan said hello, and Aidan just stared at the lights. We got to spend 30 minutes or so together before the boys became too restless. There is only so much rocking, door shutting, and brochure reading one can do with one's kids. They're off to the house, ostensibly to nap. I will join them soon before heading to Dallas.

.: posted by Dave 12:17 PM


Well, admittedly, this isn't what I had in mind when liveblogging. My son has been diagnosed with persistent pulmonary hypertension. Apparently, he isn't breathing well if he's crying. His pulse ox drops into the 60s and he turns blue. I watched it happen and it was unnerving.

So, he's being admitted to the NICU. The problem is that the NICU is in Dallas - 120 miles or so from us. I will be driving there so stay with Dylan while Ami recovers. She will join us there after her recovery is complete. Hopefully, she will not be there long. Hopefully, we'll be on our way home by then.

Please keep my little one and my wife in your prayers.

.: posted by Dave 10:36 AM


We've adjourned to recovery now, and Ami says that this is the easiest of the three births. That's comforting. So far, everything seems normal, with a small exception. Apparently, Dylan is retracting, meaning I guess that he is working harder than he needs to be to breathe. Our pediatrician should be here soon, and I'm guessing a chest film is in order. All in all though, this birth was fantastic.

.: posted by Dave 8:43 AM


Dylan Jacob was born. Finally. 6 lbs 14 oz. 18 1/2" long. Born to the tune of Twist and Shout. Go figure.

Thank you, God.

Life is good.

.: posted by Dave 8:06 AM


We have baby!

.: posted by Dave 7:57 AM


We're in... More to come soon.

.: posted by Dave 7:46 AM


Doors fling open. Nurse prepares to exclaim...

"We're almost ready. We'll be out to get you in just a second."

Argh!

.: posted by Dave 7:42 AM


And I wait....

I'm not a very patient person, so sitting here in the lobby waiting for them to prep my wife for this delivery isn't easy for me.

This is our third, and it should seem routine, but it doesn't. I still feel anxious, happy, proud, scared, queasy, nauseated, uneasy, and downright antsy. We've avoided complications in the previous two surgeries. A uterine fibroid like Ami has can be very inviting for such complexities. I try not to think about it, but... What if? What if?

Feh. Enough of that. Let's get this show going. I want my new child, and I want my wife back in one piece. Surely, it can't be long now.

.: posted by Dave 7:25 AM


It's OR time! I guess I have to be shielded from the gory details. More to come in a moment.

.: posted by Dave 7:18 AM


Nurse: "I'm sorry to bother you, but I think we forgot to get your signature for the tubal."

Ami (gasping): "Give me that form!"

(proceeds to sign with much haste)

I'm guessing that my wife doesn't want to endure any more pregnancies.

.: posted by Dave 7:07 AM


To quote my wife, "This is so humiliating. I'm ready to get this over with."

I am, too, Ami. I am, too.

.: posted by Dave 6:50 AM


6:45 am and I'm now in my scrubs. I'm ready to get this done.

In the meantime, my wife is being forced to drink a sodium citrate cocktail, apparently to help guard against aspiration. It apparently is one of the worst tasting things in history.

Ami: "This is suppose to settle things down in me, yet I find myself wretching and gagging."

Well, at least they'll be no more of these cocktails.

.: posted by Dave 6:48 AM


While my wife is being prepped, I am informed that the room is equipped with wi-fi.

Did I mention that I am much happier with this hospital than with the previous one?

.: posted by Dave 6:35 AM


One quick comment - paperless society my butt! As long as there is a medical community, there will always be triplicate forms ad nauseum.

Note to wife - you wanted something to read. Well, now you have some reading material. Forms.

Blech.

.: posted by Dave 6:18 AM


Funny how they expect a person to sign myriad consent forms while they're on a gurney being hooked to monitors, tubes, etc. Heck, I'd sign anything at this point to just make them all go away.

Through it all, my wife is doing such a fantastic job. I don't think I could survive three c-sections in 4 years. The medical techs even told her how wonderful her penmanship was under duress.

.: posted by Dave 6:14 AM


We've arrived in the room, and it is much nicer than the one at the "other" hospital. It had better be for being out of network. We have a CD player, a chaise (for daddy!), an LCD TV, and an internet connection.

Heck, this is like a country club! Well, except for the incision and the painkillers and the IV drip and the baby monitor, etc.

.: posted by Dave 6:05 AM


Well, this morning has started well enough... We went to the wrong hospital, and one that is out of network to boot. One would assume that we would know this beforehand but it didn't work out that way.

Fortunately, the hospital bills as if we're in network, but we'll see what the final tally is.

Time to check in. No contractions or anything. No water breaking. Nothing except the stress of getting checked in.

.: posted by Dave 5:45 AM


Too Early:

I understand that the doctors have their normal rounds and have stringent schedules, etc... But requiring us to be at the hospital by 5 am is just too early. I feel like I just fell asleep. In fact, I'm pretty certain that I just dozed off while typing this blogpost.

.: posted by Dave 4:11 AM





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